It’s December 2016, and I can truly say I’ve had a great year. However, this year hasn’t turned out quite how I imagined it. I started the year with friends, not masses amount, but not few either. I envisioned that the year would be full of incredible memories with them all, which has happened, but some not so nice memories have been made too. This post will not only be addressing losing friends, but friendship in general.
Should we crave popularity?
As a young teen, I believed that in order to feel amazing, I had to be popular. I honestly believed that if I was top of the social pack, I would be happy. But now, as an adult (still find saying this scary) I know this isn’t the case. Personally, I’ve been more happier with a small, tight group of friends than when I was younger and had many. So I refuse to crave to be popular like the magazines and tv shows force you to believe. I will be happy, whether I have no friends or whether I have a group of friends.
What to do when friends hurt you?
This year, people I believed I would know for the rest of my life have hurt me in ways I didn’t think they would. It’s not one person either, but a few different people from different situations. Originally, I was heartbroken. I was so upset that I people I loved dearly were treating me like crap. As the years gone by I’ve started to deal with them hurting me better. Instead of moping about this and wondering what I’ve done wrong, I’ve decided to keep living. To keep moving forward. I could relive every memory I’ve had with these people and look at every bad thing that occurred between s, but it’s not going to change the situation. I could ignore what they’ve done and keep being friends with them, but in the end I’ll be hurting myself.
There is a need to talk to people when they have hurt you. Although, after the first few times you’ve discussed about them hurting you, if they carry on hurting you what’s the point. I know in my heart that it’s much better to get rid of friends that hurt you, than keep trying to be friends with then.
I am losing friends, but that’s fine by me.
I believe if you’re not losing friends, you’re not growing up. The people you’ve known for a long time are going to change and you’re going to change too. Therefore, you’re not always going to be friends with them. Don’t get me wrong, I do have some friends that I’ve known since I was tiny and I hopefully will know them till I’m old too. But, I think it’s important to remember not everyone will stay till we’re old. It’s okay to lose friends, you’re not a bad person for losing them. You are still good at being a friend, even if people are leaving.
I’ve had many friendships over my short 18 years, however a few friendships have not been the healthiest.
So I went on to urban dictionary, the source of all the knowledge in today’s times, and got the definition of a toxic friendship:
A friend that embarrasses you in social situations in order to gain attention; a person that constantly betrays your trust, but you cant get away from due to guilt issues; a type of friend that is ok one on one, but will turn on you as soon as other people are around, making it hard to break off the friendship because you ‘know how they really are’.
I’ve never known how to cope with people who come into my life and are what I believe are toxic. It baffles me how people can be totally okay to you on your own, but in social situations bully you to no end. You should be able to feel comfortable around your friends and be free to say whatever you need to. If you feel anxious and upset around them, is it time to let them go? Letting go of toxic friends will make room for more healthy friendships. I think it is incredibly difficult to let toxic friends go, because there must be something you like about them to have them as a friend. In these situations it’s about weighing up the positives and negatives of having these types of friends…
Friends are allowed to argue.
This topic is important to me. People are so scared to argue with the ones they love, but I promise there is nothing wrong with arguing. As long as after the argument you talk it out and find the cause of the argument, it’s okay. Arguments are a perfectlly normal thing. I tend to argue with people I care about most, more than I do with anyone else. However, it is unhealthy to argue and then pretend nothing’s happened. You’ll still hold the grudge with whatever you’ve argued about, and can cause more damage further along in the friendship. It is vital that you talk and sort out the argument cause as soon as you’ve both calmed down!
Acquaintances VS Friendship
I once called a girl an acquaintance instead of a friend. The horrified look on the girls face is something I wont forget. If you do not speak to me on a regular basis, and we do not hang out with each other, we are not friends. I do not mean to offend anyone when I say this but its true. I’m a polite person. If everyone I said hello to, or had small talk with is my friend I would be balling in friends… However, I personally believe that my friends are the people who love and care for me regularly. Not someone who says hi to me once in a blue moon. So if you’re that offended about being called an acquaintance, put more effort in and maybe we can become friends…
Friendship is a two way thing, if its only you putting the effort in all the time, is it really worth it?
Effort is something I struggle with frequently. I regularly argue with myself as to whether I’m putting too much effort in, or they’re not putting enough effort in. I get so worried when people start to drop the amount of effort in. If you don’t want to be friends anymore, tell the person. Don’t drop the effort and hope they get the point.
Long lasting friendships take a lot of effort. If you want a strong, worth while friendship you have to put the groundwork in. You physically cannot keep a friendship with someone who cannot text back or speak to you.
It’s also crucial to remember that you cannot nurture every friendship. Pick the key friendships and stick with them. If you try to be a friend to everyone, when will you have time to be a friend to yourself? You will cut friendships that no longer serve you purpose, and people will cut their friendships with you. Don’t take it as being offensive, but just remember that they cant be everyone’s friends either.
Social Media may be leaving us confused about who are real friends are…
My Instagram has over 14,000 followers, but in reality (maybe) 150 of them I know in real life. Then take 75 family members away and I’m left with 75 people I know. But only a few of those 75 are who I ACTUALLY consider my friends.
I love my social media because I am so nosey. I hold no shame in admitting this. Theres nothing I enjoy more than having a good nose online when I’ve got free time.
Just because someone is liking your Instagram or Facebook posts, doesn’t mean you guys are actually friends. I scroll through and double tap many strangers photos, does not mean I am actually friends with them. The opposite is also correct, just because someone does not like your social media posts does not mean they are not your friend. People show their friendships to us in different ways and we should be less worried about how they show their friendship to us on the internet. If they are there for you when you need them in person and you can count on them, does it really matter if they aren’t liking your selfies?
Under the category of social media, I want to add that as humans we tend to only share the good things that are happening in our lives. Its important to remember not to become jealous of what we see people we know post, as you are only seeing a snapshot of their day. Just because our friends are posting how amazing things are, it does not mean this is actually the case. Just because you’ve seen someone post how great life is, don’t forget to message them occasionally to ask them how they’re doing. They could be hiding their pain…
So please, for your sake, do not let yourself become disillusioned by social media.
(LOL, BUT SERIOUSLY GET AT MY INSTA QUEEN.CLO AND GO LIKE ALL MY FIRE SELFIES XO)
The saddest part of losing friends…
I think the saddest part of losing friends is losing someone to go and talk to about your life. Someone that once knew everything about you, will now no longer be there to know more. The few people you could trust are no longer trustworthy.
And all you get left with is memories and meaningless information about them, things that will keep in your mind for a long time to come.
It’s good to know that you do still have other friends, and you’ll find new friends to tell new stories to. You’ll make new memories and you’ll get new information with new people. Keep living and leave the bad friends.
I just want to say a massive thank you to those friends that have stuck by me and always look after me (even those of you who are not above). I can’t wait to make more amazing memories with you all in 2017!! Woooo xx
Lastly, a quote I found on Tumblr that I believe in:
“It took me too long to realise that you shouldn’t stay friends with people who never ask how you’re doing”
Have a fantastic Christmas!!
All the love,
Queen Clo x