Firstly, I know I’m VERY late but happy new year!! I hope this year is filled with all the love and happiness you deserve.
Think like a queen… A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.
No matter what you are doing with your life; whether you’re young or old, whether you are a student or have a job, whether you live at home or live on your own, there is always going to be a time when you feel like you are failing. What’s positive to know, is just because you feel like this is the case, it may not be true, and if it is, being a ‘failure’ is not your final destination. However, when you are in this state, you must try to look at the positives. While it’s hard, you need to look at all the great things you do too, things that you’re succeeding in.. Don’t tell me you’re not succeeding at anything because there’s always at least one thing you succeed in every day. It may be something small like ‘you got up today and did something productive’ or ‘you only cried once today’. Look hard enough and you’ll find a success.
If you had spoken to me in August 2016, I would have told you how much of a failure I am. How my life is ruined and I’ll never be able to be successful. This is because I received a U in Physics, a subject I love and wanted to carry on with at university. I also got two C’s in my other two subjects, and an A in my Extended Project. However, all I could focus on was the U. The fail… I was worried that this was it, that I would not be able to move forward and I totally shut down. If you speak to my parents, they’ll tell you how I point blankly refused the idea of going to university after this. I truly believed that I was ‘too stupid’ and ‘too much of a failure’ to ever be able to go. After a meeting with school, it was decided that I could carry on with Physics, as long as I redid the AS level course alongside the A-level course. Although I was overjoyed that I would be able to still study the course I wanted to at Sixth Form, I was disheartened that university may not have been for me. With some research, my mum and I were able to find universities that would accept me with my predicted grades for Physics. I applied for Physics and got all 5 offers within two weeks (the first person to receive an offer in my year). Now, in January, 5 months on, I still have to work hard for Physics, and I am getting some successes. I think its about persevere and I know if I keep working I will get the grades I need. The learning curve I had from this experience was that you may fail the first time, but keep trying and you can begin to succeed. I could have easily decided, actually I don’t fancy Physics anymore, it’s too much work and I could have it much easier if I decided to study History at university instead. BUT… Physics is a subject I love and I will keep working hard to get to where I want to be.
With social media, people only post their great successes online. I have very rarely seen anyone post about their failings. This leads us to believe that everyone is happy and everyone is doing amazing things. While this may be the case for some, it is not for all. I rarely post on Facebook when things aren’t going right. I may tell my friends but I find it hard to tell everyone things are not going right. Its good to remember, that I’m not alone and others are feeling like this. Going back to results day, I was surrounded by people who had got the most incredible results, and while I was proud, it wasn’t pleasant to hear how amazing everyone else had done. It wasn’t till after the day when speaking to others that I realised I wasn’t the only one to have failed something. Please remember, ‘You’re not the only one who is feeling like a failure or who is failing.’
I’m not only failing at school, but at life… Friendship is difficult and can often lead me to feel like I’m failing my friends. I have friends that I love dearly, but I really struggle to fit the person they need me to be all the time. Sometimes I have to distance myself a little and breathe. To take a break from speaking to them. As said, I love my friends and I try my hardest to do all I can for my friends, but occasionally I can’t be there for them all. In situations like this I take a step back and focus on myself. It used to make me feel very guilty and that I was failing them. Now I understand this is not the case. Real friends would much prefer me to be okay and happy. They totally understand me needing to step back and wouldn’t think I’m failing them. I may fail sometimes at being a friend, but working on myself is not me failing my friends.
Failing and making mistakes are totally normal. You can make as many mistakes and fail as much as you like, so long as you learn from them. I may be disappointed with a poor test score, but I realise now it’s a learning curve. If I can go back over the paper and see the mistakes, it’ll make sure I don’t make them in the real exam. Failing multiple times does not make you a failure, but instead means you have found 100s of ways that may not have worked. After failing, review why and learn from it. If you are failing for different reasons every time, you can learn and will eventually have a success. If you keep failing for the same reason, then that is an issue you need to address. Failing for the same reason regularly is frustrating and time wasting. Failing for different reasons is enabling you to do great.
Stop comparing your behind the scenes to everyone else’s on stage… I always feel like an incredible failure when I try to compare myself to other people. Why on earth do I compare myself to others is beyond me, because I know how upset it’ll make me… Yet I still do it. It’s usually over trivia things. For examples, a test score, how many friends someone has or the amount of likes on a post. It is truly silly. I am a good person. I shouldn’t have to compare myself to others to validate that I am.
Failing does not mean I’m ‘helpless’. After a failure, I know my confidence is incredibly low. It is during the time directly after the failure that I want to completely give up. However, giving up is the only real failure you can ever make. During this period, it is better to build yourself back up again slowly. As you restart on your journey begin to celebrate every success you make, whether big or small it will (hopefully) improve your confidence and allow you to succeed in your main goal.
I wish you all the successes in life, but remember failing isn’t so bad after all.
Failure happens, but I promise you aren’t a failure. You are a normal human being who is bound to mess up once in a while.
Have a wonderful day!
All the love,
Queen Clo xx