I craved happiness just as much as the next person, but the past few weeks I realised this was making me feel more broken.
When you speak to many people about life, the vast amount of them will probably tell you the fundamental objective of their life is to find happiness… (and I was one of those people too). I think the thing that people forget most is that happiness is not a destination. It is a socially constructed mood, and like all moods, it is not going to last forever. It will come and go. It is NOT a permanent state. I honestly do understand why people crave it to be a destination, why would you not want to feel ‘happy’ all the time… but it’s not and it is incredibly hard to accept that. Until people understand this they won’t be able to truly get to grips with happiness.
We seem to spend so much time and effort forcing ourselves to find this feeling, and in the process make ourselves sadder than we started. Happiness is not a choice, and is not as easy to find as people lead themselves to believe. Having an attitude is a choice, being happy is a feeling, and people seem to get feelings and attitudes muddled up. Please remember that there isn’t ever going to be this cure and everything in your life is perfect. Happiness is simply a by-product of living, and not a state of mind you can force yourself to be in. What you can force yourself to have is a more positive ATTITUDE, which well help you find more frequent periods of happiness.
If you were to search happiness online on Amazon, I am certain you will find many books on how to transform your life in order to be happy. They all seem to miss the point that it is okay to not be happy all the time. It is okay to feel like absolute shit. BUT it is NOT okay to feel like shit because you cannot find happiness.
Some days I feel so awful and wonder what is against me. What is stopping me from finding this amazing feeling? Other days, I’ll feel on top of the world and wish I could bottle those thoughts and feelings. It’s called balance. As cheesy as it is, it is ok to have bad days in order to find good days. I can find it such a battle when I am sad for a period of time, and the pressure to be this ‘happy’ cheery person is sometimes made worse by feeling like I need to feel like this for others. Half of the battle with myself is wanting to be happy so others don’t worry about me. Lately, I have become good friends with my sadness. Sadness visits me quite regularly, some days it breaks me and some days I break it. I used to feel incredibly scared to have periods of sadness, not knowing what to do with myself and would desperately crave to feel better. It took some understanding in to why I didn’t want to be sad to change my mindset.
One thing that consumed me about not wanting to be sad, is the worry of how my friends will feel about my sadness. In my life at the minute, I have some very accepting friends, who love me even when I am sad but I also have some friends who don’t understand my sadness. I hate that when I am sad I need constant reassurance that I am still loved, and my sadness sometimes clouds the judgement I hold. That’s what scares me with my sadness and why I used to fight to be happy, is I am not sure what’s real and what my sadness has created. The thing I learnt is true friends don’t mind reassuring you that everything’s okay, and these friends have made the sad periods I have to be slightly less scary. I worry about my friends an incredible amount, I think because I know the battle with sadness can be hard, that I want to be there for them, like I needed past friends to have been there for me. I think I’ve got to the understanding that it’s okay to tell my friends I’m sad but it’s not okay to depend on them to make me feel better. For I have learnt that in the end, I can eventually feel better and HAPPY on my own. So, in short, what I’m saying is allow sadness to visit and then allow it to leave for happiness to come back. Don’t chase or crave the happiness, just wait patiently for it to return. Breathe. Spend time alone or spend time with friends. Go for a walk…. The other early morning sadness had gripped me hard, so I took myself on a walk of my TINY university campus (its actually quite scary in the dark lol)…. just to clear my head so I could sleep. The thing is I didn’t walk in order to become happy, I went on a walk to find some peace and then the next day I woke up feeling a little brighter.
It turns out, that some super smart scientists did some research and found that as people craved to be happy, they became more unhappy. The pressure and feeling of desperation to be happy makes people less happy. How ironic. Getting these books, losing that weight to make you happier, forcing yourself to do activities because you will think they will make you happier will get in the way of you feeling good.
I recently saw an article about ‘Post-Olympic Syndrome’, it spoke about the sadness that athletes feel after the Olympics. They have trained so hard for many years with their eyes on GOLD, and then after that, it is hard for them to see what is next. They’ve ‘lost their purpose of life’. It takes some time for them to get back to normal and understand that winning was not the happiness, yes it would have been amazing, but there were milestones and events that made them happy on their journey to the Olympics which they can focus on instead. My point is, that even after an athlete has won, there’s still a feeling of emptiness and what’s next. It is okay to feel empty after you’ve been happy, accept the period of emptiness but don’t stop living, keep going on with life till it returns… We need to put more emphasis on each journey of finding happiness rather than actually finding it. The journey back and forth from happiness is truly more significant in our lives than the actual feeling. We will always face sadness, but we will also always get periods of happiness too.
If you’re sad right now, it may not feel like it, but happiness will be on its way. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but she’ll be back soon.
As usual, enjoy some of my favourite photos of the past few weeks:
BRING BACK MY PINK HAIR?????
When your little cousin is also your best friend. What more could you want on a Saturday than a pj party with a unicorn…
I was bloody freezing in this outfit, but big love to Meg for taking me to Bristol to have a day away from university issues.
Army social was sooo much fun, however don’t send any of us to war, especially not Mollie Dicks….
I look like a toe but my favourite babes to not watch football with.
Jumper weather is here and I’m loving itttttt! My current favourite is this one, which my dad picked out when we were on holiday in Florida!!! CUTE!
All the love,
Queen Clo xx
Just uploaded this while at 5sos gig, please give it a nice comment and follow my blog💗