Dating at 20 SUCKS!

dating, Lifestyle, relationships, tinder

While I am only 3 months into my 20s, I already hate dating. When I was younger I had this plan in my head that I would be married by 25, and have kids by 30. Now I reckon I will be lucky to be married by 30 and have kids by 35. It seems that a) I am incredibly awful at dating and b) no boys want to date.

This is usually how dating goes, I fall for a boy and he doesn’t like me. When I was younger this snippet of Mean Girls used to make me laugh, now its far to real to laugh…

So here is my LONG list of reasons as to why dating at 20 is rubbish

1. Online dating is the worst. I have never hated anything more with a passion. Tinder is the worst place and while Bumble seems to have better looking boys I don’t think it is much better. One of my biggest worries is that if I talk to a guy online I am going to end up on MTV show catfish. I give up with online dating, if I am going to meet someone I am going to have to try the old fashioned way of meeting them in person… however hard that may be.

 

2. When you are single you are permanently mocked for having standards ‘too high’. I am incredibly picky in what I want in a guy, but that is purely because I am sick of disappointment. I could get with any guy and date them just for the sake of it, but if I don’t fancy them or see a future with them, then I am wasting both of our times. I would much rather keep my standards high and find the right person for me. If keeping my standards high means it takes years to find the perfect match, so be it.

3. Following on from the last point. Every guy I talk to seems to be so immature. It takes a lot of effort to wade through the idiots that are not right for you, and at 20 it seems that everyone is an idiot.

4. Boys are the worst at texting back…. Or they are the worst at texting back because they don’t actually have any interest in you… I think this era is hard to date in because unlike in the past we spend so much time trying to decode boys attention from how they are online with us, if they like our social media, if they text us or how fast they respond to a text. While I think if you are not getting many responses from a guy after a while then that is a sign that they aren’t interested in you. They could also just be busy… It is hard to distinguish but if you are regularly getting ignored it is probably time to put your efforts into someone new who will give you the same amount of effort back. You deserve someone who wants to talk to you and after all it doesn’t take long to respond to a text….

5. Nice boys are scary. Some nice boys are genuinely lovely, others use their nice boy pretences to get away with murder. Sometimes it sucks to date them, because when they do wrong to you all your friends stick up for him as ‘he seems so nice’. You and everyone else make excuses for he because he is NICE. Although he may have been nice originally, it doesn’t mean he’s always nice, so fyi if he is no longer nice bin him off. If you aren’t giving him a chance because he’s nice, maybe do?

6.It feels the only other place than online dating to meet boys is in clubs or pubs, and they are not good places to get to know boys. In clubs people usually have one goal and it is not to end the night married. Clubs are loud and are incredibly difficult to talk to someone in. Leading to people just looking for people with nice faces to hook up with. Clubs make me anxious because sometimes it feels like the whole club is full of boys judging how you look.

7. It gets to the point where instead of actually trying to find people to date, you just pretend to date them in your head. I have my whole life planned out with some boys, if only they knew it…

8. When you start talking to someone new and they ghost you off, you feel awful. I am an optimist, and sometimes it is the worst quality I have. I always hope and pray that the boy is different and he will like me for me. Only to be crushed back to reality and fill myself with sadness by picking faults in myself.You wonder what’s wrong with you and why they won’t want you. Was I too much? Did I want too much? I know in my heart that for the right person I will never be too if but right now all this rejection is hard.

9. It seems the whole world revolves around hook ups. I have never had a hook up and the social pressure to have one is quite intense. It feels like just because I haven’t had one there is something wrong with me. It sometimes leads to people trying to force you to get with any random-er that gives you attention, however I would rather not.

10. While my friends get into relationships and some start talking to new boys it leads to jealousy. Some of my cousins have started to get married and every wedding I go to I feel more alone. Above is probably me after watching a romantic chick flick.

11. The whole world seems to only want people with pretty faces and not with pretty hearts. So, after a lot of rejections you start to convince yourself that you are ugly and no one will ever want you. Online dating only looks at your face. In clubs boys only look at your face. It feels like there is no chance in the 21st century to date someone because of who they are and not what they look like.

12. Each heartbreak feels worse than the last one. You promised yourself you wouldn’t get into the same situation again, you wouldn’t fall again. You’d think by 20 you’d have learnt but you haven’t. It’s hard to keep putting yourself out that and face the same rejection. Some days your heart hurts and you think you’ll never find the one.

13. Fairly tales have taught us for years that Prince Charming will come and sweep us off our feet. When you reach your 20s, you start to release this probably won’t happen. To be honest, while I do want my Prince Charming I don’t want him to come and save me, because frankly I do not need saving. However it would be nice to have someone fight battles with you instead of alone.

14. In this day and age people can find your whole life on social media, which is scary as hell. So now even your online life is a chance for someone to want you, which is so scary. My friend Megan and I watched You on Netflix and it really was quite terrifying to see how easy it is for someone to stalk you online. It really does prove that you don’t know how trustworthy people are and that just because they seem decent, they may not really be who they seem to be…. (if you haven’t watched ‘You’ yet defo recommend, we binge watched in a day)

15. Some days it feels like all the good guys are taken (already!!!!!!) and all that is left are the ones that want to sleep around. Which is fine, if all you want to do is sleep around, but absolutely horrid if you want to be in a relationship. It is the worst thing ever when you start talking to a guy and think wow he’s great. Only to find out moments late that he’s great because he’s taken.

16. At the end of the day, true friendship will beat any rubbish dates, and so while I hold out for the ‘one’, I will continue to know my friends have my back.

17. I think the biggest lie I have ever been told is that you will meet the love of your life at uni, the boys I have met at university so far, are not boys who want to settle down. It’s gotten to the point where my friend Meg has now put a ban on me talking to Uni boys, cause even if she has a uni boyf the other uni boys are no good apparently (she’s not been wrong yet).

18. Boys suck.

 

19. At the end of the day, if I don’t find a man in the next 10 years…

20. I don’t have time for boys who don’t want me or for wondering if boys want me. I only have time to live my 20s to the fullest and have as much fun as possible. And anyway, your 30s are apparently the new 20s, I’ll try dating again then…

If you have read this and thought wow she’s the one for me (how could you not), I am taking dating applications over on my Instagram xoxox. (I joke but then I’m low key being serious….)

All the love,

Queen Clo xxx

Ps. NEVER LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS, YOU DESERVE ONLY THE BEST xxx

You should be loving someone…

dating, Lifestyle

I am a sucker for love. I love love. I love reading about love, watching films or shows about love and I love falling in love. You can fall in love with anyone and anything!!!  

I love my dogs, so felt they deserved to be shown on my blog haha!


The most important person you should love is yourself, but this can sometimes be the most difficult person to love… When you fall for others, how much do you actually know about them? When I fall for the cute person I walk past, I know very little. When I fall for someone I may have been speaking to probably a little more. However, we may think we know lots about the people around us, but we don’t know what is actually going on in their head and what they truly look like. Just like they don’t truly know all about us either. With yourself it’s different. You know every lump and bump, scar and scratch, and ‘flaw’ that your body has. You know what goes on inside your head, and sometimes you may not like it. These thoughts can lead us to wonder how anyone can love us, and we make ourselves feel hard to love. There are nights that I will sit and think ‘jeez, I am a mess’, and it leads me to doubt how to love myself. Though I remind myself that I may have these imperfections, but that doesn’t make me any less deserving of love. I was always told that it is ‘what is on the inside that counts’, which on some days seems untrue, although luckily for us all it is. Looks will come and fade, it’s how your brain works that will always stay loveable. On days you doubt whether you are worth love, I promise you are. When feeling self-hate focus on your many positive qualities. Leave your harsh criticisms of yourself behind and instead look at your strengths and the amazing traits that make you, you. Side note, even if you don’t love yourself, you are still worthy of the love of others.

You cannot force someone to love you and you should not feel the need to beg someone to love you. Love is either there, or it isn’t. If someone doesn’t love you, it does not mean you should stop loving them. Just like you can’t force them to love you, you can’t force yourself to stop. They still deserve your love, even if they do not feel the same. This world is so full of hate, that I think it’s crucial we all spread a little love from time to time. There are different types of love, and we are all worthy of all of them. I have a different love for my family than I do for my friends, and I’ll have a different love with my friends than I’ll have to my future partner. It’s important to remember there are lots of opportunities to feel love. You don’t need to be in a relationship to feel love. I think this can be a common misconception amongst my generation. It’s like people are desperate to be in relationships, in hopes they will feel love, but they are missing the love that is all around them. If you feel unloved, look around you carefully. People do not have to say I love you, for them to love you. They may say ‘text me when you’re home’, ‘I appreciate what you do for me’, ‘don’t forget your seatbelt’, ‘drive safely’, ‘get some sleep’ and if you listen hard enough there are many more. If you look there’s many around you that love you.

For anyone who knows me, will know that I am a full on person, and this does not stop when I love. Sometimes this is good and sometimes this is bad. I think its important to not hold back when loving. It’s true that love can be hurtful, but I would rather know that I put all of my love into a situation and it not work out. Than regretting not putting all my love in. It can be so scary to love people and to in turn depend on them, but we need love and people to help us grow. Don’t shy away from love for the fear of being hurt, because doing this will make you shy away from finding happiness. You cannot help who you fall in love. Which means in some situations you will face the hell that is unrequited love!! Even if they don’t love you back in the way you wish, they may still love you in other ways! Remember, if someone you love is treating you rubbish you deserve better. Unrequited love will always suck, but you will get over it… I promise. Don’t let the fear of them not loving you back stop you from loving them! 


All the love,

Queen Clo xo