A letter to those who are strong but struggling

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The mind can be a scary place to live in, it tells us every day that we have to be strong. That we have to keep fighting. It tricks us into thinking we shouldn’t be weak. It tricks us into wanting to fight our battles alone. In reality, fighting our battles alone is a sign of weakness. Life can be tricky and it is okay not to be okay. It is okay to put up a front, so others don’t worry if that will get you through the day, but it is not okay to do this permanently and avoid our problems. Avoiding our issues makes us feel a lot worse about ourselves.

I think a big thing to remember when suffering from anxious thoughts while also being a strong person is remembering that life won’t always be this scary. Just because things are scary doesn’t mean you aren’t strong either. I remember for so long that random little things scared the crap out of me. With the right support and kind of a fake it till you make it attitude I managed to pull through. Trust me losing anxious thoughts was not an overnight process and it took a lot of work, but I got there eventually. I still have bad days and I still struggle to do the simplest things some days. But it’s fighting through the anxious thoughts and remembering you are in control. When your anxiety makes you freak out and tells you the whole world is a scary place, remember it is scary but you are capable of creating solutions. You are capable of breaking through and one day you will be free of your thoughts.

To the one who is strong but is absolutely petrified of never finding love. I feel ya. In my whole life, I have had one boyfriend and let me tell you, it was a disaster. Dating is horrid and quite frankly I am scared I’ll be alone forever. If someone asks me how dating is going I will 100% joke and say that I love being single because that’s the strong girl inside of me pretending I don’t care. While I love some areas of being single, I also hate it. I hate the feeling that I am going to die alone and that I am undesirable. In my heart, I know that when the right person comes along I’ll be everything for them, but it is still hard to pretend the setbacks don’t hurt. People will come and love you, then leave as if nothing happened. It kills you but you have to keep your strength. People nowadays don’t seem to stay around, they just flirt, let you catch feelings and then leave. You have to use your strength as power and move through every ending. I know as a strong person I wear my heart on my sleeve but it does sometimes mean I break my own heart. I break my heart by imaging what could be, and they have no idea. No idea how deeply I care for them. I guess it’s learning to let others in, no matter how strong you are it is important to communicate your feelings and not be scared of the consequences. On the same note, I went through a stage of dating people for the sake of it to try to mask the feeling of being alone, and it was the worst thing ever. In the end, I felt even more hopeless at love and felt broken. So if you’re dating for the sake of it, it’s truly not worth it. You will find the right person but it will take time. Keep your standards high and keep loving yourself while you wait.

I sometimes feel like I don’t belong. For example sometimes when at work I feel like an outsider. That everyone around me is best friends and I’m just there. I sometimes feel that I’m disliked and while I know this isn’t the case, it’s hard to let that escape my mind. If you feel like an outsider too, remember that you are placed in places for a reason. You have a purpose and while sometimes it may be hard to see why to know that there is some reason you are there. If you keep focusing on not feeling you should be there, you miss out on the enjoyment of being in the place. I find work can be hell sometimes but really there are many small giggles and friendliness that I feel along with every shift. It’s remembering that although sometimes I don’t feel like I fit in, that a lot of people in the store probably don’t either and that there are still opportunities to form friendships with others to feel like I do. For my whole life I have never ever fitted in and to be honest I always thought of it as my weakness. In reality, the fact I never fit in is my strength. Don’t force yourself to fit the social norms, you being different may feel like the worst thing in the world but really it’s what makes you loveable.

If you’re someone who does everything for everyone else and wonders why no one does anything in return. Pause what you’re doing and reevaluate. Reevaluate whether you do these task for others for your own happiness or because you feel you have to. Sometimes when you decide to be strong you put others feels before yourself. It’s time to prioritise yourself. Take a breath and remember that while it’s okay to do things for others, you shouldn’t feel you have to. Learn that it’s okay to put yourself first for a change and you deserve all the love that you willingly give to others.

I think it’s so hard to try to be strong all the time and while sometimes your strength may be an act, soon it won’t be. Soon you will realise that you don’t break as much as you used to, that you don’t cry about the small things and that life is getting on track. Eventually, you will see these issues as learning curves and not the disasters they feel like right now. The scars you have will remind you that you fought bravely and you have (and will) always be strong. But remember that showing your sadness is no form of weakness and it is always okay to ask for help.

Each and every day is a new day to bloom, we grow and we learn for all the experiences we face. While you may be struggling right now, life will get better and as cliche, as it is you just have to hang in there. You are strong and keep going! Remember my Instagram is always a place to talk if you are feeling alone.

All my love always,

Queen Clo xxx

18 Things I’ve Learnt Over The Past 18 Years

Lifestyle

Recently, I reached the age of 18! Scary! During my 18 years on this planet, I’ve learnt so many lessons; below are some of the most important ones. Along with a picture of me over the last 18 years😂

Why don’t you leave something important you’ve learnt in the comments? Or any feedback?☺️

Always been a daddy’s girl x

1. No matter what happens in life, someone in your family will still love you.

I am extremely fortunate to have a large family. There’s so much love around me and I’m so lucky for it. I know that whatever I do, they will all still support and love me. They’ve helped me grow into the person I am and if I do a bad thing I can gurantee they’re not going to hold it against me. This means that whenever there is drama, because we’re a family, we deal with it together. Therefore, if I have a personal problem or drama, I know I can rely on them to help me deal with it. So, whether you have a small family or a large family, they are always going to love and forgive you in the end. Send a text to a family member tonight to show you that you appreciate them!💗

(Big shout out to all my family, I love you all so much, even those of you I don’t see as much as I’d like!)


2. It’s okay to cry. There seems to be this stigma with crying (especially with men, boo!) that it apparently shows weakness. This is not the case. Cry as often as you need. Cry everyday if it makes your day a bit easier. I personally cry very frequently, and if you ask my dad I cry over ridiculous things, like burning cheese on toast, I know, what a loser. However, I believe you should not worry about what others think of your tears, if it helps you to cleanse yourself and your mind then it’s okay. Lets all become cry babies and keep on crying!


3. Its okay to make mistakes… In fact, make as many mistakes as you possibly can. Mistakes are not a bad thing if you learn and grow from them. I frequently mess up, I know I will make many mistakes every single day. This does not make me feel bad or scare me; I know I am learning from them. Instead of letting the fear of being wrong and making mistakes hold you back, embrace every chance of making a mistake.


4. Embrace change, it can be good. Personally, I always struggle with change. I like things to be the same. I get comfortable with a routine. The fear of change used to be a massive thing for me and whenever I knew change was going to occur, I would become nervous and panic. However, I began to understand that life always has change. Therefore, do not go in life being scared of it, but accept it when it happens.Whether this is something small like changing cereal, or whether it be leaving something behind that is hurting you. Whatever the change is, it may hurt or upset you at first, but in the long run it will help you to grow.


5. Tell other people what you are thinking and how you are feeling. People cannot read your mind. If someone has upset you or done you wrong, don’t just assume they know they’ve done wrong. Instead talk to them about it. Someone cannot change what they are doing if they do not know they’ve affected you. I am rubbish at telling people when they’ve upset me, and it can lead people to walk all over me! I need to start standing up for myself and to let others know about how I think and feel. Whether you think it is insignificant, if someone has upset you talk to them!! Not only could it improve the situation between you and said person, it will free your mind. Keeping things bottled up does nothing for you. So, learn to have strong communication skills and be able to talk to anyone about your problems, these skills will get you anywhere you need. 

6. Have a strong opinion of yourself, and leave behind the worries of what others think of you. 

I used to be very  worried about how others saw me. I craved to be liked by everyone, and whenever someone thought something negative of me I would be upset. I realise now, not everybody is going to like me. That does not mean there is anything wrong with me. If someone does not like me, it shouldn’t bother me. I’m not everyone’s fan, so clearly not everyone’s going to be a fan of me. I have begun to developed a strong opinion; this is who I am and I like who I am. So, it doesn’t really matter if no one else likes me.

7. Learn to say no! I’m a yes person, I always have been and I thought I always would be. I get so nervous of the thought of letting people down that I say yes. Lately, I’ve been learning it’s okay to say no. As much as I’d like to do every good deed and help as many people, I simply do not have the time. So instead of trying (and failing) to be wonder women, I learnt to use the word no. It’s much less of a let down to originally say no, than to do a half hearted job. No one is going to hate you for not doing something, and if they do, you don’t need them in your life. Simple?  

8. Move away from anything that causes you negativity.

Whether this be people, an activity or anything, if it makes you sad what is the point in doing it?!?! It truly baffles me when someone says ‘I do … to please … but I hate it’. What is the point in putting yourself through the stress and upset to please someone else. You must focus on your own happiness and not everyone else’s. Furthermore,  leave people that cause you pain in some way. It is far better to leave them in your past than continue to be friends with them and hurt yourself.

9. Frequently ask questions, it’ll help you grow and learn. 

Got a question? Ask it. Its literally that simple. Asking questions develops your knowledge and understanding of the world. By doing so you are not pondering over something that someone could answer for you if you just ask them. Stop accepting what you read online and begin questioning them. Enable yourself to become more involved in the world around you!

10. Be kind. Not only to others, but yourself too. 

I would much rather spread kindness to other people, than hate. I think in a world so filled with hate, it’s time that we start being nicer to those who are around us. Whether its just giving a stranger a smile, or asking someone how their day is? Kindness will help the world stay a positive place.

I looked back and realised that I’m nice to everyone else, but why am I not to myself? Ask yourself the question, if someone spoke to me the way I speak to myself would I still be friends with them? If the answers no, then its time you start speaking kinder to yourself. At the end of the day, you’re the person that’s there for yourself and if you’re not being kind to yourself then why will anyone else be?

11. Laugh often.Laughter is my favourite thing. I have the loudest laugh ever, and it can be irritating to others. (sorry not sorry). However, my laughter brings me joy. Laughing (even over tiny things) will brighten my whole mood. I aim to laugh as many times a day. After all, laughter is the best medicine.

12. Apologise when you’re in the wrong.

I have dealt with a lot of people who struggle with apologising. I  have also met a lot of people who apologise too much!! The trick is to get the right balance. I think it is important to apologise. If I have done something wrong, then I feel obliged to apologise. If it was the other way round then I would probably like the other person to apologise. Its important to swallow any pride you have and apologise when it is appropriate.

13. Some days you’ll find it slightly harder to love yourself, but look past your ‘flaws’, and find something to love.

The title says it all in this one. We’re all great in our own ways, look a little harder if you cannot find something to love. I PROMISE THERE WILL BE SOMETHING!!!!


14. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in.

I am feisty when I want to be. If I believe in something strongly, I’ll argue with anyone and everyone about it. Even if I’m the only one that believes my view. I’m not intimidated when others have a different view to myself. I think of it as a mini challenge to show others why I think that way.

It’s important to be you, and if you believe in your view that’s all that matters. Stand strong.
It’s also important to stand up for yourself. You can’t go your whole life being walked over like a door mat. Be confident and proud of who you are. Don’t let anyone knock you down.

 


15. Don’t take life or your self too serious. 

Its easy to get caught up in your own problems, and we forget that the problems we face are only made large when we let them mess with us. Instead of being caught up in how rubbish things are, we should all take a step back. When taking a step back it puts into perceptive that we should not take life too seriously. When taking life too seriously you limit the happiness you can get. So breathe, you are doing great, but stop taking everything too seriously.

Nobody gets out alive anyway…


16. FLIRT ! FLIRT! FLIRT!

I am a young, single, sassy women and I shall flirt and do as I please.

While I am young, I want to live my life. There is nothing wrong with flirting.


17. People will break your heart, but learn from the mistakes!

After a heartbreak it can be hard to pick yourself back up again. But the key thing to remember is onces someone’s broke your heart let them go. Or you will continue to hurt yourself the longer you cling to the past. Stop texting them, or trying to be in their life. Delete the texts. Delete the pictures. Delete them off social media. You do not need a constant reminder of them, leave them to do them and you to do you. If they’ve hurt you, they no longer deserve a place in your life. If they wanted to be in your life they would be, so don’t be fooled.

Oh boys, what strange creatures you are… Will I ever understand your brains? (probs not but I will live haha).


18. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re doing better than you think!

 In life, we focus on our own flaws and where we think we’ve not done well. We forgot to focus on all the great things we do every single day. All the amazing things we do without thinking. I’ve learnt that I need to be easier on myself and not beat myself up over silly little errors. I’m doing so well juggling a job, voluntary work and sixth form. I should just keep being me.

BONUS ONE: Get drunk and be the party animal you’ve always dreamed to be.

Don’t let anyone stop you from getting a little drunk!😉 If you need that glass of wine this evening, this is me saying go and have it! Also, partying with the right people at the right place can be so much fun and you can make memories (some you may not remember). Live your life and don’t let others judge you for partying. Keep being awesome!x


 

Thank you for reading my second upload!

All the love,

Queen Clo xx